Sad Day

I'm finding it a bit hard to figure out where and how to start this.  It's mostly for my own sake and to get out some of my own feelings.  This blog is pretty full of happy stories and developments.  Probably the least happy and positive posts occurred when Chris was away.  But today is unavoidably sad.  And I feel as if I can't NOT post about it.  Today I lost my puppy, Rhodri.  He was my baby before I had babies of my own.  I've had him since my junior year in high school and up until about 2 years ago, he's been my consant pal.  Today he passed away.  The worst part of it was that, I wasn't with him.  I knew that the likelyhood of him passing away without me there was high, but I didn't expect it this soon.  I thought that I would see him at least one more time.  Today my heart aches and my eyes burn from crying.  To some this may seem almost silly, but for those who know me and my family best, you know that our animals are not our pets, they are our family.  And for those who have especially known me, you know Rhodri was my life for years.  I loved that dog more than anything, and he loved me. 

He was with me during my last year in high school, I year that tried me on almost every level and I found mostly unbearable, except for him.  I hated being away from him during my early years of college, and the first words out of my mouth after accepting Chris' marriage proposal was "We can go get Rhodri?"  Not even kidding. 

Words can not express how sad I am tonight.  It feels unreal.  He was the best dog I have ever had.  Anyone who met him (which was many as he was a "poster" dog many times for the Pit Bull breed) would go on and on about how sweet he was.  He was special.  He was kind, and gentle.  He was good natured and sensitive to the things and people around him.  He was a dog, but he had an understanding of things that I hadn't ever seen in another dog.  He was very good natured and easy going.  He LOVED to run, bound, and prance around.  So funny.  He also loved to snuggle, and for years Rhodri slept on my bed with me.  He kept me company when I was lonely, and watched over our family when Chris could not.

Again, some will read this and probably find my attachment to him humorous.  It's not to me though.  I've lost one of my best, longest, and dearest friends.  So suddenly too.  I really thought he would leave this world an old dog.  Ready to go, satisfied with the years he had.

Well, I don't know what else to say.  I believe in Heaven and I believe animals, especially our animal family members, go there too.  That's one thing that comforts me tonight.  I will see him again some day.  He'll be waiting to welcome me some day on the other side, and his sweet face will bring me comfort and happinness.

Rhodri boy, you were and are the best.  I love you so.  Please know that I love you and am sorry I was not there to see you safely to the other side.  I wish I could have been there to assure you it would be alright, and that I hadn't abandoned you.  That I wanted you.  I just wanted you to be where I thought you would be happiest.  You understood so many things.  I hope you understood that.  I wish I could have smelt your fur and pet your sleek head and ears one more time.  To have squeezed those white paws.  Kissed those soft pin-cushion cheeks.  I will miss you, my dear, sweet boy.  Thank you for loving me so unconditionally and always being there when I needed you, when few others were.  And thank you for not taking it too personally when I had another baby.  I know you weren't sure about Aubin, but you watched over him and played with him gently all the same.  I love you.  Till we meet again.